Weird and freaky, but true.

Nerdy comic history goodness.

I have recently discovered a wonderful comic series by a Canadian woman with a degree in history. Her name is Kate Beaton and her comic is called Hark! A Vagrant! The artwork is great and the subject matter is both educational and hilarious. Here is a sample:

Yes.

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Once again, prepare to have your mind blown.

Kuroshio Sea - 2nd largest aquarium tank in the world - (song is Please don't go by Barcelona) from Jon Rawlinson on Vimeo.

Everything everywhere finally jumps the shark.

I refuse to watch this movie.

Even though the typing of this entry is a little advertisement, I just have to put this out there. I will NOT watch this movie. It is one of the greatest examples of how we can use different medias to totally manipulate human emotions. Here is the recipe: take one children's story that everyone is insanely nostalgic for, even though when asked, a huge percent of people haven't the foggiest of ideas what even happens in the book, add a dash of a super emo and indie soundtrack, throw in a pinch of a trendy, artsy, indie director, and finally stir in two cups of live action filming with a cute little kid in monster pjs. I'm suprised that Michel Gondry isn't directing a film about the Easy Bake Oven starring Zoey Deschanel.

"Let me sing you a song about buttering my muffin...
...which I baked in this toy oven."
Thanks but no thanks, I'll pass.

Key Largo, Montego, Baby why don't we go...

Last night I had one of the most amazing celebrity cameo dreams of my entire life. The dream starts off and I realize that I am line for food at some kind of fancy party when I take note of the fact that Tom Cruise is standing right in front of me. Now I know he is short in real life but in my dream land he was about 5'2". I am really excited so I introduce myself and tell him how much I love his work, that I've seen every movie he has ever done, that sort of thing. He is very gracious and kind as he says thank you and gives me a hug. We continue chatting as we get our food and head back to our seating area. I'm totally blown away that he still wants to hang out with me. Finally I say to him, "Mr. Cruise, there is something that I have always wanted to ask you, and I completely understand if you don't feel like talking about your movies anymore but there is one thing that I have been really curious about all these years." He responds by telling me not to think anything of it and that he would love to answer any other questions I might have. So I say, "back when you were filming Top Gun, which was totally awesome and had such a major cast with big names like Val Kilmer, Tom Skerritt, Anthony Edwards, Meg Ryan, Tim Robbins along with many others, did you all realize how ridiculously homo-erotic that movie was?" To which he answers with a chuckle and a thousand dollar smile, "yeah we pretty much knew that." To which I say," that is completely radical." Then I woke up.

Pictured: Not about being gay but about dudes helping dudes out.

Something to take your mind off of spider bites.

Watching this is the best way to start each and every day. I definately plan on learning this routine.

All creatures great and small.

Oh how I love the workings of nature. It's constantly reminding me of how there must be a higher intelligence and plan behind the workings of the universe.


Pictured: Camel Spider Bite. God certainly is wondrous.

For more of Yahweh's wacky sense of humor, check this out.

I love a good ball game.

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In my opinion, frankly the best Michael Jackson tribute ever.

*Sniff*The universe will truly miss you great one.*Sniff*

Classic Literature Kicks Ass!

Everyone is familiar with the timeless Jazz-Age novel by F. Scott Fitgerald, The Great Gatsby.


Figure 1. A book, not the internet.

Well, apparently there is a new movie being made based on the story starring Chris Tucker, Megan Fox, and Bruce Willis. This movie is also being directed by Michael Bay. If you don't believe me, then check out these storyboards. Sure to be an Oscar winner.

Daddy's got a new set of wheels.

Pictured: The Past

I am now the proud owner of a 1991 Izuzu Trooper. A vehicle from a time before the laws of aerodynamics were invented and a road was just a swath of trampled down vegetation barely wide enough for a flock of deer to travel single file. This car...truck...thing will be just as perfect for my gelato runs as it will be for exploring the untamed wilderness on Adventure Tuesdays.

figure 1. Delicious Adventure

Justice

Troops (Star Wars Cops Parody)
Uploaded by BorisBarZoF - Sitcom, sketch, and standup comedy videos.

So my dear friend Jamie just got back from a trip to Italy. What she does not know is that a movie was made about her trip.


My favorite part was when she doused Ewan Mcgregor with lamp oil and set him on fire in a metaphorical example of the state of his career.

It's things like this that brighten my day.

Craigslist Ad Of The Day: Time Machine Wanted
best of craigslist > st george >
Wanted: time machine DESPERATE!!!
Date: 2009-01-12, 5:53PM MST
Desperately need a time machine to take me back 6 weeks in time, plus or minus a day. If you have a time machine and are willing to let me borrow it, or know of someone with an impending trip back in time, please let me know ASAP!I will pay big bucks to have myself warned to NOT sleep with that tramp at the One and Only Bar on the Boulevard.Tell me that she is very, VERY fertile that night in question, and has a whopping 3 STDs that I will get if I copulate with her.VERY VERY IMPORTANT THAT I GET THIS MESSAGE!!!I WILL WRITE YOU A BLANK CHECK IF THAT'S WHAT IT TAKES!Key things that will let the me in the past know you are for real:*Tell me that you know about the rubber ducky incident*Tell me that you know that I pissed in my friends pool last week, when he was in it.*Tell me that no matter how hard I try, the lesbian at Barnes and Noble will NEVER go for it, no matter how many sex books I ask her opinions on.If I still doubt you- use this one-----*Mention that you know I made out with my cousin when we were drunk at a kegger last summer- NO ONE KNOWS THIS BUT US TWO!!VERY VERY IMPORTANT THAT I GET THIS MESSAGE!!!

FIRE WALK WITH BREAKFAST!

Today as I was fixing pancakes, I noticed this...
.
figure 1. 24 oz....of murder.

The brand of pancake mix I was using is none other than Snoqualmie Falls Lodge brand. For those of you in the know and for those of you not, this is the waterfall and lodge used in the filming of David Lynch's murder mystery television series Twin Peaks. Being such a huge fan of the show and the author of various Agent Cooper fan fiction adventures I must have somehow become subconsciously linked to the whole phenomenon. So much so that I didn't even notice what brand of pancake and waffle mix I purchase. This of course can mean only one thing.

"COULD YOU PLEASE PASS THE SYRUP?"

Breakfast anyone?

Ode to a Legend

As we all know, Bea Arthur passed away this last week. A comic genius who is famous for, among many other things, her roles in Maude and The Golden Girls, she will be greatly missed. Today I found this very touching article/ obituary about her and I just wanted to share it with my 2-3 readers.

The Lines are getting blurred.

Like a long lost friend.

I haven't kept up with a particular website in a long time, so this morning I thought I would give it a quick glance. You see, I generally feel that the good times are over the moment someone thinks that it would be a good idea to make a paper book that is merely just made up of the content on some URL. The book has its limits, while it is completely possible for the internet entity it is written about, to keep growing and changing. And in this day and age of environmental awareness, how responsible is it to keep using paper? I digress though, that is another huge issue that I will not get into now. To get back on track, this morning, while eating my bowl of instant oatmeal, I checked in on this little webiverse destination, Stuff White People Like. I was not disappointed.

I DO like Starbucks AND Jagermeister!

Looks interesting right?

figure 1. shitty almost lifetime channel version of something you SHOULD watch.

Child care

Today at my work a gentleman came up to the register and said, "in the interest of keeping the peace can I trade this dollar for four quarters?" What he was referring to was the fact that he could no longer control his children and he wanted to get them something from our candy machines to chew on. I have two major problems with this scenario: 1. when your child is running around and not listening to you in a public place you probably should NOT GIVE THEM FUCKING SUGAR! I don't know how many times witnessed something like this and it drives me up the wall every time. 2. "in the interest of keeping peace...", you give a child some sort of reward? So basically you are saying it's okay to give into terrorism. I just want to get that straight because that is the precedent being set and reinforced everytime this happens. And if you don't think a kid recognizes this on some level, you are deluded and retarded. It is just like the dog owner that gives their pet a treat for going to the bathroom outside. That animal's one job is to NOT shit inside. It does not deserve a present for this one basic expectation. When it comes to kids, the treat should be the fact that the parents are willing to take them someplace at all. When I'm out in public, my reward for not being a complete asshole is NOT getting arrested.

figure 1. Nathan's recipe for proper child care.

And since I'm sure you are thinking it...no, I don't have any kids of my own...yet!

This is me at my most masochistic.

I truly must hate myself right now because I am on the third book in the Twilight series. Obviously this is a cry for help. These books are so horribly written. How did this woman get a publisher to sign on to this? It is pathetic. The fact that I am reading this makes me feel worse than the fact that last fall, I did not make it to a bathroom on time and ended up pooping my pants. Someone please save me from myself.

figure 1. A literary razor blade.

34 year old man who reads comics is suprised he's still single.

Even so, you should really read this series.


Y: The Last Man is a comic book series by Brian K. Vaughan and Pia Guerra, about the only man to survive the mysterious simultaneous death of every creature with a Y chromosome on Earth. Soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo good!

Great Show: Summer Heights High

And the winner of the Swimsuit competition is...

figure 1.so not the runner up!

This is not about being sexually attracted to President Obama(although with a bod like that, who wouldn't be?) It is not even about dudes helping dudes out. I am just stating a fact. Our current head honcho works out 45 minutes a day and we can certainly tell by the big helping of eye candy he dishes out on the beach. I cannot think of ever wanting to see ANY of our former Commander in Chiefs with their shirts off, can you? God does bless America does't she?

If you have not yet seen these...

First you should see this one,

then you should watch this,

and if you need something to bring you out of your self-imposed cinematic k-hole,
watch this,

and if, after all that, you are still hurting, all i can do is recommend is this.

Reading between the lines.

I had my yearly review yesterday, and amidst the positive comments I started to have this nagging feeling. I was told about how the new guys we are hiring have been in the bike business for like eight years, and my boss kept repeating the fact that she was having the screws put to her. And as much as she likes her core group of employees, she would hate to see someone lose their insurance because she could not afford to keep them at the end of the season. (hint maybe?) Again and again she used that phrase "having the screws put to her", because it's not going to be her fault when the diabetic with the heart condition loses his health care because he's not as much as a tool as the bros that he works with. I can read between the lines, job security and seniority don't mean dick.

figure 1. read between these lines.

Valentine's Day Romance

The big V-day was spent with Colleen, my current NSLP(non-sexual life partner). Let's just say that according to someone I have heard about...
this,

plus this,

plus this,

plus this,

and three more hours of this,

and this,

...equals a good time.
At least that's what I've heard.

MY MIND IS OFFICIALLY BLOWN!

For all my diabetic readers out there, I want you to know that the future is now! Check out this article.
Totally amazing right?

figure 1. very stoked to get some new ink.

UFOs, ghosts, and bigfoot oh my!

This past Saturday, me, Colleen, and Renee, decided to take a drive to Trout Lake, Wa. It's a sleepy little town at the foot of Mt. Adams known for its outdoor adventure, UFO sightings, Ghost stories, and what the hell let's throw bigfoot in there as well. You can't have the pacific northwest without sasquatch. It only took a couple of hours to get there and the drive was quite pleasant and scenic. Since we are portland idiots though, we didn't think about how much snow was going to be up there this time of year. I'm talking 2 to 3 feet in some places, so we didn't have the proper gear to do any adventuring outside of the car.(did i mention we suck).

figure 1. Main St. Trout Lake

Not one to give up on adventure so easily, I invented a new winter olympic event. I call it The Car Sled. Basically you're in your car at the top of a slight downhill. the roads have sort of been plowed but there is a 4 foot wall of snow on either side of the street. You turn off the car and put it in neutral then let your foot off of the brake. The goal is to see how far you can roll/slide before you are going too fast to stop. The loser just might end up here. The winner gets treated to liver and onions at the Logs Restaurant afterward.

figure 2. this plus a blizzard = saturday night on the town.

And on a final note, though the three of us were properly lubed, nobody got anal probed. So despite fanning the flames of olympic dreams there was a slight feeling of disappointment on the car ride home that night.