This is me at my most masochistic.

I truly must hate myself right now because I am on the third book in the Twilight series. Obviously this is a cry for help. These books are so horribly written. How did this woman get a publisher to sign on to this? It is pathetic. The fact that I am reading this makes me feel worse than the fact that last fall, I did not make it to a bathroom on time and ended up pooping my pants. Someone please save me from myself.

figure 1. A literary razor blade.